This is the perfect time for a huge collective sigh. Ready ? On three. One; on your marks… Two; Inhale deeply… Three ! *SIGH*
I hope you guys and gals and booknerd potatoes have the same wishes as me, because to me there are SO many stolen minutes in the day in which I could be reading, but I can’t because of technical issues. What issues, you say ? Keep reading to see something kind of embarrassing and definitely awkward. Also some unfortunate booknerd accidents, possible teleportation and maybe a tad bit of shapeshifting. Yeah I’m magical like that *shrugs*
1. Showering / Bathing
If I try: I’ll wet my book, duh. The shapeshifting comes later, don’t get bored yet.
2. Brushing my teeth
If I try: I’ll have to keep the book away from the influx of water, which means I have look up at it while brushing, and so I’ll end up spilling toothpaste+water+saliva-cleanness all over my shirt. Nuh uh, not great. Nope.
If I try: Epic Fail(TM). Possibly becoming cross-eyed after a less-than-nice try.
Because obvs I am neither an octopus nor a spider nor a 2-headed Cerberus. But if I could, I SO would.
If I try: My legs’ll not get much blood. So possible loss of limbs and/or awkwardly pulling my pants up with one hand while reading. 100% discomfort guaranteed.
5. Watching a Movie
If I try: I’ll end up putting the book down or watching. In general choosing what’s better of the two and consuming THAT. In other words, totes failing at doing both at the same time.
Stephen King does this because he’s awesome, but honestly I didn’t pay for a ticket so I can read in the cinema and get out 😂
6. Block Noises
If I try: I won’t help but listen, even if I really don’t want to *cries softly*
7. EATING, FEEDING AND CONSUMING FOOD
*throws thesaurus back at you* Yeah I know they’re the same thing, but it’s called Insistance, look it up yourself, sheesh.
If I try: *looks at that train of thought passing* Nah, I won’t even.
”If I could somehow absorb books in my sleep, my TBR pile would look 23x less menacing.”, she said behind a barricade of read books, while a barrage of arrows from the TBR was hurtling it.
9. Walking in the Street
If I try: I’ll either end up in Australia after somehow crossing water on foot by taking a taxi dolphin or walking into a portal or die on the way by getting crushed by a tree, a lamp post, or the most obvious transportation vehicle: a passing unicorn.
As in, 2 books at the exact same moment, with the eyes of a fly or something.
Do you wish you could do these things too ? Can you already do them ? What are some other things you wish you could do while reading ?